Today a very pertinent quotation caught my attention. It said, ’’If you are giving someone your best and it’s not enough, then you are giving it to the wrong person.’’ We have always been taught to love even our enemies. Gandhian philosophy revolves around showing your other cheek if someone slaps you! Well, with times, we have to keep realigning our beliefs according to the environment around us.
Your Thoughts Have Impact on Your Health
It has now been proved that our thoughts are responsible for our health. Alter your thoughts and you can change your life! Yes, this is true. Every action --- good or bad, finds its source in our thoughts first. If we program our mind to think only positive thoughts throughout the day, be in the company of positive people and ignore the negative things we come across all through the day, we can remain more energetic and happy.
What if the Problem Walks to Us?
Generally, you attract people and situations according to your thoughts. My friend was always a good natured and shy girl and she got married into a family where her husband was the only son --- educated and sophisticated. She enjoys enough freedom and personal space and cherishes the fact that she has ample time for pursuing her hobbies and learning new skills when her husband is busy in office.
As opposed to this, one of my neighbours was into the habit of discussing people and colony politics, bitching about them and deliberating on every minute detail she knew about them. As an adult, she got married into a family comprising of finicky and mean members even she could not outsmart! It took her many years of patience, sulking and brooding after which her married life normalized gradually --- not before her daughter grew up and they shifted to their own house. She still regrets the loss of wonderful years of her life with her husband as a newlywed couple.
Why Be Bogged Down by Any Situation?
We know that another way to tackle a situation is not to be overwhelmed by it. If we are not affected by a situation, what impact can it have on us? Similarly, we can learn to ignore people we do not like. However, another aspect of this predicament is that if it is an acquaintance or a relative/family member we have to face, then what? We cannot run away from certain situations and some people.
Mr. Kumar takes control of everything going on around him --- in his house or his office. Give others a chance, and they will prefer to run away from him! His presence is like being confined to a prison for all those who are sitting around him. He has the habit of commenting negatively on anything and everything on this earth. He can condemn your dress or censure you from speaking at all. He may praise someone or disapprove of someone --- all at the same time. He is judgmental of others and of himself. While he will give you least marks for your work, he remembers to assess himself as being the best and foremost in everything he does --- even his new failed experiments in writing and drawing!
Mr. Kumar is such a perfectionist that he cannot rely on you to carry your tea cup to the kitchen lest you may drop it! You are always alerted as to how far you can go anywhere in his house, how many times you have to wash your hands for even thinking to get up from his posh sofa. Well, his eyes will generate your report card as to how rustic you actually are and how much remains for you to learn still! Tell me, do you adjust with such a person or call the shots?
Love and Respect Yourself
We must respect ourselves for everything we are. Let us not spend our lives trying to please people who are unhappy themselves. Let each one us take care of himself first before lending a hand to support others. If it is a one way traffic where only you exude love and the other person does not even bother about your feelings, it is time to take notice and stop deceiving yourself. Who will take care of you if you fall sick? Ignore the negativity and involve yourself with positive occupations like yoga, walking or gym and other hobbies you enjoy doing and always be happy. Stress and negative thinking sucks away our energy making us tired too soon.
Enjoy Freedom in Life
The biggest gift that you have in life is your good health and freedom. If you find anyone impinging on your freedom of movement, encroaching upon your way of thinking or intruding your personal space to limit you from carrying out your daily chores, you should explain to him once but never compromise on these fronts. Takers do not stop at one thing and want more and more from others. You must stand for yourself, speak for yourself and assert where you feel is needed. Assertion is different from getting angry, It is being in control and being in charge of each word you are deliberately (not carelessly) speaking. Know what you want, know what you like, love yourself and do not stop soaring till you know for sure that the path you have taken is the right one.
Spirituality Empowers You
I got exasperated with a gentleman who in the middle of the conversation abruptly cut short to say ‘bye’ and ended the phone call! Another acquaintance called up at uncomfortable hours such as dinner time or midnight just to connect on video and say hello to all my family members. Both are extreme cases either displaying scant respect for others or being so self-centered that they do not care if you feel offended. There are a few self-invited guests too who love to visit you after every doctor’s appointment. They don’t bother to check if you are busy; Your presence at home is enough invitation for them!
Well, how do you tackle such people in your daily life? You are torn between acting spiritual and being true to yourself. My experience has been that right from the beginning, it is always better to be true to the person that you are. Spirituality does not intend to make you a door mat. It makes you more assertive and clear in your mind. We need to understand that it is important to keep our peace of mind intact too.
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Hence, I feel, it is not always possible to love everyone. Yes, it is possible ‘not to hate’ anyone. You can ignore or show disapproval to people who do not elevate you, try to use you or just annoy you. Don’t go further ahead into such a relationship. There is no question of diplomacy in such a scenario. While you are yourself not disturbing and bothering others, you are wholesome on yourself by not letting or allowing them to bother you.
Goodness remains. The shift is only concerning being good towards your own self. You must acknowledge and respect your judgment about others and send out a clear message to the other person as to your disapproval of his selfish behaviour. No diplomacy this! And you save yourself much time and botheration too. True, times have changed and it is time to ring in the new --- for a hassle free and happy life. Someone has rightly said, ’’You can’t always be nice. That’s how people take advantage of you. Sometimes you have to set boundaries.’’
